If you’re looking for a way to change your workaholic husband, then this article is not for you. However, if you truly want to accept the man you married, keep on reading. The term workaholic was inspired by psychologist Richard I. Evans. Naturally, since a psychologist brought this relatively new word to our vocabulary, people associate the term, workaholic, in a negative light or as someone that needs counseling to overcome their addiction to work, school, hobby interests or aspects of his life which become totally consuming.
As his wife, you may be feeling neglected, unloved, unneeded or that you don’t have enough time together. Perhaps you’re craving recognition or attention. Heck, at this point you’d settle for a nod of his head in your general direction.
How do you go about finding a solution? Remember, this isn’t about recreating the man that you couldn’t live without and consequently married. In reality, true acceptance must come from within. It must come from you, the wife.
To begin, research the subject of workaholics. There are thousands of articles and websites containing subject matter concerning the traits and behaviors of a workaholic. Study the material. You will gain valuable information to help you understand what makes a workaholic tick, and with knowledge comes acceptance. You can not accept what you truly do not understand. Be compassionate and take the time to understand your husband.
Since all workaholics are not alike in their addictions, let’s assume that your workaholic is consumed by his work. He works long hours and on weekends. Often, he brings work home. It’s all he talks about and you’re confident it’s all he dreams about too.
Try to focus on the positive points of a workaholic. Make a list of only those things that you find to be positive. Your list might include the following items: hard worker, dedicated, focused, enjoys his job, finds pleasure in working, proud of what he does, provides for his family.
Once you’ve completed the list, re-examine your list through the eyes of your mate. Are there any items missing that he may have included? Perhaps, your workaholic also expresses his love for you and his family through his work ethic. Is he also expressing his devotion to family and commitment to his marriage vows? Allowing yourself to walk in his shoes may help you understand his view of the world and accept those insights.
Reevaluate how you participate in work-related conversations with your husband. You may not technically understand or be interested in the conversation; instead try focusing on the gleam in his eye, the expression on his face, or the passion in his voice. The subject matter of the conversation may not be what is important in this situation. The essential part may just be spending time together, having a one-on-one interaction or simply being included with what’s on his mind. In other words, listen with your heart.
Once you’ve found acceptance, you may come to appreciate their qualities in a new light, allowing you to feel peace of mind and contentment in your relationship. Not enough time together could turn around and become quality time. Learn to love the moments you do have. Have a cup of coffee together before he heads off to work. If possible, bring dinner to him if he works late. If he brings work home, you might want to grab a book and read in the same room with him. A great amount of comfort and solace can be found by simply listening to one another breathe. Live in the moment and breathe.