Look in the Mirror
For many people today, single people especially, the perfect relationship seems to be their most impotent goal. The marriage relationship for many has sadly ended in divorce. With all this seeking, yearning and striving, some sanity must be brought to bear. Your greatest learning will occur within a relationship: You are not going to learn very much about yourself sitting in a cave on a mountain.
- Are you looking for love in all the wrong places! People spend billions of dollars in their search for love. They'll spend money on: Botox, new clothes, breast enhancement or reduction and other bodily surgeries, going to singles groups, losing weight, gaining weight, muscle building, etc. Body parts and appearance are not a basis upon which to choose a partner for a relationship. Rather, go for the gusto! Look behind the physical appearance to find the soul and love radiating from the person.
- Love is not out there somewhere! The problem is that love is not a quantity. Love is not something you can buy or get from someone. Love is a quality. Love is what you are. You can only find love within you.
- Love unconditionally. Have no expectations or needs from someone else. Your expectations provide the groundwork for failure. Give your partner a break. He/she will have some personal faults. You have them also. It's inevitable. Learn to forgive and not to judge.
- Learning from relationships. Actually, every relationship is a perfect one. They are the perfect place to learn about you. Your partner will find ways to push your buttons because he/she knows exactly where they are. That is the reason he/she is in your life in the first place – to show you the places where you need to heal. Often, one partner gets tired of getting her buttons pushed and goes on to a new partner, thinking things will be different. In the great majority of cases, they won't, that is, until you deal with your issues and remove the buttons. People who have been married for fifty years may have been experiencing the same year over fifty times. People get used to one another and surrender their freedom for security (boredom). Fear keeps them frozen in time. That isn't love – that is prison.
- The Special Relationship. A Course in Miracles defines the special relationship as one empty person trying to steal love from another empty person. The satisfaction found in such a relationship is generally not going to last. Sooner or later, one or the other will fail the other in way after way until the relationship fails. You can have a special relationship with a house or a car and when the house or car grows old and starts losing its "new" smell, the thrill will be gone.
- The Holy Relationship. A Course in Miracles defines a new kind of relationship. That is one where one person who is whole (not broken, but healed) meets another such person. There is nothing to need from the other; there is a solid foundation in which love can grow and mature. However, remember that the world inevitably must disappoint you. People leave for one reason or another. People die. People change. People grow in different directions. Depend upon the love within you for the foundation of your life and future.
- What is the perfect relationship, in the first place? The only real relationship you can ultimately and truly experience is that relationship you have with yourself. It takes understanding and forgiveness of your past to overcome negative self-talk and negative judgments of yourself that have built up over the years. It is a minute-by-minute process to discover the beauty of perfection that you are, the love that you truly are that has been buried underneath. It takes persistence and determination, but the results will bring you a whole new life.
- Relax – When you are ready the Universe will send you the perfect relationship, even if it is the one you are already in.
The Holy Relationship described in A Course in Miracles:
"Heaven is restored to all the Sonship through your relationship, for in it lies the Sonship, whole and beautiful, safe in your love. Heaven has entered quietly, for all illusions have been gently brought unto the truth in you, and love has shined upon you, blessing your relationship with truth. God and His whole creation have entered it together. How lovely and how holy is your relationship, with the truth shining upon it! Heaven beholds it, and rejoices that you have let it come to you. And God Himself is glad that your relationship is as it was created."