Coffee Enemas – Recipes, Tips and Techniques
Any discussion about how to give a coffee enema needs to be prefaced with why one might go down this road. Practitioners of alternative medicine, and their books, websites, and newsletters are where you will find recommendations for them. Proponents prescribe it as a detoxification procedure, a liver stimulant, and a colonic cleanser. The Mayo Clinic’s website is mum on the subject, and the FDA clearly does not approve. It is most controversial when recommended as a cure or preventative for certain cancers.
- Get advice. First you need to consider — I mean really think hard about this — if a coffee enema is right for you. I advise you to talk to your doctor or other personal health advisor before you proceed with it. I am not advising you to give or receive this procedure; I’m not taking sides on which side of the equation you might want to be on. I’m merely passing on the information.
- Design your brew. Next, and under said health practitioner’s guidance, you will want to decide on your brew. Some recipes call for brewed coffee (black, no sugar) passed through a filter or sieve; others recommend leaving the grounds in. The basic recipe is a weak brew of two to four tablespoons of ground coffee brewed in a quart of water. Allow the coffee to cool to a temperature a few degrees above body temperature. Too cold and it can cause cramps. Too hot and ouch!
A website out of Canada sells organic coffee especially grown, roasted and ground for enema use. (They also sell a medium roast for drinking purposes. It would take a bit of cognitive dissonance for me to buy my morning coffee at the same place as my enema brew!)
Caffeine is the active ingredient here so you might want to look for a brand with a high concentration of Coffea Robusta. Robusta is the coffee species that, as opposed to Coffea Arabica, is easier to grow and can be cultivated in a wider variety of environments. Robusta is not as flavorful as Arabica and has a higher concentration of caffeine. It is also cheaper and can be found in the lower priced brands at your supermarket.
- Choose your equipment. Next you need a device to deliver the coffee to your bum. (If you got this far without knowing what was going to happen in the end, I’m sorry for the shock.) The most highly recommended device is the common reusable enema or douche bag. It looks a lot like a hot water bottle with about a two-quart capacity. One end has a wide-mouthed opening and a stopper. The stopper has a hole in it to insert the provided tube. The other end has a strongly fortified hole to aid in hanging it to a shower rod, canopy bed frame, or a hook on the wall. The tube has a shutoff clamp to start and stop the flow of liquid. The business end is a thin plastic tubular tip.
A word about the tip. This is probably your most important purchase decision. Make sure it is one you can be comfortable with. And, if you are using a recipe with ground coffee in it, the tip may have to be larger to guard against clogging.
Other alternatives to the enema bag are enema buckets and fountain, bulb and pump style syringes. The enema bag can be found at your neighborhood drug store. The more exotic devices are available from a number of online sources. You shouldn’t spend too much money on these items at the outset. If you aren’t pleased with the outcome, these products aren’t returnable.
- Gather up a few other necessary and optional supplies. A KY Jelly type lubricant will ease inserting the enema tip into your bum and guard against tearing of the rectal wall. Towels are handy. A thermometer, useful. Rubber gloves, sponges, and bleach for policing the area afterward are mandatory.
- Find your spot. If this is your first time, finding just the right place for this experience is more important than you might guess. On the floor? On your bed? In the bathtub? On the toilet? All have their advocates and detractors.
The toilet seems like a pretty likely choice for a first timer, but the sitting/crouching position used there can open the bowels up in such a way that all the goods might not travel as far as you desire, or stay in as long as you want. The bathtub sounds uncomfortable, the floor undignified, and your bed…well you might want to try it out on the john before doing it on the comfort of your bed. Perhaps you should add plastic sheeting to your list. Regardless, you need a place to hang the enema bag a couple feet above where your bottom will be, and you need quick access to the john for when you want to complete the enema process.
- Get a buddy. Would you like some help with this? There is no need for a partner to help. However, you may like someone to assist you. They, in turn, may be willing to help you. I’m going to let this be your call.
- Do it. Fill your enema bag with a quart of the tepid coffee. Hang it above your designated spot. Not too high or it will come gushing out. You want a slow gentle flow. One or two feet above your bum is fine.
You can place your body in any number of positions: on your side, on your back, doggie style, or over your partner’s lap. Just find a position that is comfortable for you.
Lubricate the enema tip, your anus and rectum. You or your partner may want to move a lubricated, and possibly gloved, finger in and out your rectum in order to fully lubricate the area. This will also help you learn how much pressure to use when inserting the tip.
Gently insert the tip about two inches and slowly release the clamp on the hose. Allow a couple cups in at first, or less if you feel any discomfort. Allow the remainder to enter you and then, without changing position, try to hold it for 10 or 12 minutes before moving to the toilet to void. You may feel a need to void sooner. If so, as before, move immediately to the toilet.
- Clean up. Cleaning up is simple, if all went well. Wash the enema bag, hose and tip in soap and warm water, rinse and hang to dry (Follow manufacturer’s directions.) Clean the tip and any surfaces touched by your discharge with a diluted bleach solution.
- Would you like another round? If all went well, and if you have your doctor’s advice and permission, you can now check out other enema recipes using ingredients such as tea, fruit juice, milk, beer, or wine. Enjoy!